The Necessity of Self-Compassion

I was recently contacted by a clubby through my blog, not from the group here. I told them about it, maybe they'll join. But the conversation bothered me, and I've spent some time thinking about it a lot. They said they had thought a lot of suicide, from the constant pain, the feelings of "being a broken thing." They had never known other clubbies, and had been run over pretty bad by the medical establishment. I "listened", consoled, reassured, did everything I could to help this person to see themselves in a different light. I urged they find someone to talk to, a therapist, a good friend. They said they had no friends. But I kept them on line, email back and forth for hours.

I have done a lot in my time to deal with my own demons, as I know so many clubbies have. Many of us have asked the amputation question, dealt with drug issues, felt shame, inadequacy, failure, self-blame, resentment, anger. None of these are easy things to bear, especially on top of our handicaps themselves. That's why I've been in therapy myself for many years, why I started the blog, why I spent many years learning and then practicing as a shoemaker and orthotic maker - these were my forms of coming to terms with my pain - I'm a problem solver by nature. But this person really brought so much home for me, made me look very deep.

It seems to me the one thing most of us have trouble with is having compassion for ourselves. It's very hard for us to look down at our feet, our source of pain and a difficult life, and find them a welcome part of our lives. How is it possible to love those ugly, painful "things" that never just let us forget about them for a day, a week, hell, a few hours. Sometime they fade to background noise, but they never ever really just shut up and let us enjoy life without having to occupy our attention. Maybe it's really too much, to be expected to love this part of our body, given all they've visited on us. But, I think, that's exactly why we have to keep working in that direction. So often, our feet shape our thinking, our self-esteem, but they have also helped shape our world view, how we treat others, often with more love and respect than we treat ourselves.

It is not easy being in chronic pain, being mistreated by the medical establishment that, in essence, ignores us as a phenomenon while surgerizing us in an ad-hoc fashion. Nor is it easy dealing with the uncaring, blind-to-our condition, public, even friends, who often think we must be exaggerating our pain, question our limping. We all deserve more than this - much more. But this also means we deserve to have compassion for our selves. Sometimes, I am successful at looking down at my feet and actually thanking them for the path they have taken me on through life, but its always a struggle to get to that place, I know. I refuse, however, to stop trying - they are a part of me, and how can I love myself if I separate them from all that I am?

I haven't heard back from that clubby for several weeks. I remain concerned about them, and hope they stick around, come here and meet all of you other lovely clubbies. They, we, deserve to be in such marvelous company as this. They deserve to be made welcome in this life, and not have to spend what may be left of their life in misery, in self-hate, in isolation. They deserve the company of great people, deep friendship, and self-compassion. As do we all.

Reach out to your fellow clubbies today. And don't forget to reach out to yourself.