Mind Shift Ahead!

There is one thing more difficult than dealing with chronic pain and the awful responses we clubbies get from the medical community - our own attitudes and beliefs. We as individuals are shaped by many factors besides our experiences as a clubby. Our communities, families, peers in school, media, the times we grew up in, our country, etc. So our beliefs - about ourselves and the world we inhabit - are often quite difficult for us to challenge and change. After all, we want to be a part of our community, and we already battle how our handicap separates us from that community. It might center around our need for AFOs or different-looking shoes, when we would greatly prefer to mesh with the fashions of our time and locale. Or it might center around how our handicap and the attendant chronic pain limits our participation in activities with our families and friends. It may also be strongly affected by our financial conditions that limit our options for responding to our pain and medical needs.

But however it affects us, we each have to find ways to respond to those forces in the best ways we are able. For some of us, this means often denying we even have a problem, while for others it means dealing with depression, or worse. However we do so, our main goal often appears to be to find ways to avoid dealing straight-forwardly with the fact of our handicap. After all, who wants to have to spend so much of their lives having to deal with this? We would all rather be doing better things, like living life the way our friends and families do.

Denial, however, has no positive impact on our pain or possibly worsening condition. We ARE clubbies - this is an undeniable fact. Thus, we need to shift our perspective, to admit the truth of our condition, and make our lives work with this fact fully incorporated in our daily concept of our self, and how we live this life. This does NOT mean that we do whatever the latest medical consultant tells us we need to do, because we, or at least many of us, know how little these people actually know about our condition. "Well, we COULD do...." is NOT a good answer to our needs. Yet we are, like most humans, conditioned to trust and believe whatever a professional tells us, especially in the field of medicine. The problem is, doctors are themselves conditioned to believe they are always the  expert, and therefor MUST know what the hell they are talking about. They, sadly, are often even worse at challenging their own beliefs than non-professionals are.

But we need to struggle against that tendency. We need to challenge such ideas such as whether to pay for a more expensive alternative that has the potential to really make a difference, or settle for the cheapest alternative that may only make a small difference, or only for a brief period of time. We also need to challenge our desire to wait for the insurance provider to be willing to pay for something, versus biting the bullet and finding some way to pay for it ourselves, rather than forgoing real relief. The truth is, accepting some bureaucrat's NO as something you have no choice but to be limited by is the same thing as doing nothing to help yourself find relief. I have always paid for my own custom shoes myself, both because I know they are the best thing for me, and because fighting with the cretins at an insurance company once was enough. Now, I get what I need myself, rather than allowing myself to be limited to bad decisions by ignorant people.

But I do not pretend this is easy. Money is tight, and coming to such decisions requires information that we may not have, or may not fully understand or appreciate. But the first step to real change is making the decision to not take someone else's NO for an answer, on any level. First, you need to decide, once and for all, that your needs matter more than someone else's limits based on their ignorance. Once you get to that understanding, the rest becomes easier. But you have to get to this first step first. Ask yourself this: "Why do I think I am not worth putting me first in my life?" Then ask, "Who tells me that?" And finally, "Why have I chosen to believe such lies?"

Shifting belief is not easy, and can be quite frightening for some of us. But we cannot avoid this forever, unless we are content to be a victim of the ignorance of others, and captive to the pain and limits you face every day.

It's your choice.