Staying home again...you know how it is. The spouse wants to go to Carnivale, where you have to walk 20 blocks just to get near the parade, then stand and cha-cha for hours, watching your kid or your neighbor's kids in the middle-school samba party selected for the twentieth space of the parade, then shuffle back through the hoards to find your car, or wait for the trolly, whichever. And you used to go with your spouse, until that last time when the pain was so bad you walked home on your hands (and you had never walked on your hands once in your life,) but that was better than scootching home on your butt. So now, you stay home, and spend six hours in front of the computer in your on-going search for the best scooter at the best price, and wonder when you will finally give in and get the damned thing.
I find it puzzling that I even need to justify such a purchase, not unlike the mental gymnastics I went through on that whole handicap placard question. You know: There are many people already in wheelchairs who need them, and I can still (sort of) walk. Man, was I stupid - or perhaps just overly stubborn, who really knows. But here I am, realizing that staying home all the time is just plain warped, as though it were some virtue. Oh, for crying out loud, man - get a clue! Just call me slow on the uptake, I suppose.
But the reality is, you aren't merely getting a scooter - wait! There's more! Yes, much more. First, if you have steps, you need to build a ramp, unless you live somewhere they actually have garages, which we don't. So - a ramp means altering the front yard - all 8 x 18 feet of it, which in my case means no more plants in the front of the house, which is pretty sucky, ya dig? Which means a serious negotiation with the esposa, that I promise you is going to be epic. Then, you need a lift for your vehicle, as you need some way to carry the scooter when you are going more than several miles from home. There's another $400-1000. Ain't this grand?
And as for the scooter itself, well, that is where the fun truly begins! You want a three-wheeler, or a four-wheeler? One is better for outdoors, and the other for indoors, so if it looks like you just can't do much walking at all, then three wheels is for you, because the turning radius is shorter, meaning you can maneuver it around the old abode easier. But if you can still walk around the house OK, then go for the four-wheeler because it is better for the outdoors, and some models will handle off-roading better than a Willy's in four-wheel drive. And Sugar Magnolia, to you, too!
Then there is miles-per-charge - the greater the range, the higher the price, it seems. And carrying capacity - that is you, your groceries, and Spot all together, so keep in mind what you plan to do while you are out and about. If you like going to big street parties or Disneyland, plan for the higher capacity, because you know the grandhoppers will be tuckered and think of you as the bus. Just sayin'. And don't forget the accessories - most come with a nice old-fashioned wire basket to hang on the front for shopping. But then there are the rain covers, the locking back trunks, the three-toned horns, and those plastic streamers you add to hang from the handlebars, just like when you were a kid. I kid you not!
Anyway, the spouse came home with glitter painted on her face and looking blissed out. I, on the other hand, merely had a glazed expression, not unlike a doughnut. And no churros for me.
I find it puzzling that I even need to justify such a purchase, not unlike the mental gymnastics I went through on that whole handicap placard question. You know: There are many people already in wheelchairs who need them, and I can still (sort of) walk. Man, was I stupid - or perhaps just overly stubborn, who really knows. But here I am, realizing that staying home all the time is just plain warped, as though it were some virtue. Oh, for crying out loud, man - get a clue! Just call me slow on the uptake, I suppose.
But the reality is, you aren't merely getting a scooter - wait! There's more! Yes, much more. First, if you have steps, you need to build a ramp, unless you live somewhere they actually have garages, which we don't. So - a ramp means altering the front yard - all 8 x 18 feet of it, which in my case means no more plants in the front of the house, which is pretty sucky, ya dig? Which means a serious negotiation with the esposa, that I promise you is going to be epic. Then, you need a lift for your vehicle, as you need some way to carry the scooter when you are going more than several miles from home. There's another $400-1000. Ain't this grand?
And as for the scooter itself, well, that is where the fun truly begins! You want a three-wheeler, or a four-wheeler? One is better for outdoors, and the other for indoors, so if it looks like you just can't do much walking at all, then three wheels is for you, because the turning radius is shorter, meaning you can maneuver it around the old abode easier. But if you can still walk around the house OK, then go for the four-wheeler because it is better for the outdoors, and some models will handle off-roading better than a Willy's in four-wheel drive. And Sugar Magnolia, to you, too!
Then there is miles-per-charge - the greater the range, the higher the price, it seems. And carrying capacity - that is you, your groceries, and Spot all together, so keep in mind what you plan to do while you are out and about. If you like going to big street parties or Disneyland, plan for the higher capacity, because you know the grandhoppers will be tuckered and think of you as the bus. Just sayin'. And don't forget the accessories - most come with a nice old-fashioned wire basket to hang on the front for shopping. But then there are the rain covers, the locking back trunks, the three-toned horns, and those plastic streamers you add to hang from the handlebars, just like when you were a kid. I kid you not!
Anyway, the spouse came home with glitter painted on her face and looking blissed out. I, on the other hand, merely had a glazed expression, not unlike a doughnut. And no churros for me.
Hey Willy,
ReplyDeleteIsn't that one of the most frustrating things, to have to decide you'd not like to go NOT because you wouldn't have fun but because you KNOW the pain to follow would be almost unbearable?
I don't think I'm quite at the scooter decision just yet in my life but they are very popular here in the UK. Most of the time, I see folks who are quite obese, but also elderly, on the scooters (Britain isn't too far behind the US as far as obese population) so I reckon that's my future too...depending on how my ankles react to old age.
But, overall, you sound like a real character and I mean that in a good way. :) Keep up the great posts. I'm still " trippin' " that I found your blog and other "clubbies" so forgive me if I post a reply to a post or two of yours on this blog :) It's rare to find others who can relate.
Cheers
Scott