More on the Unbalanced Life

Picture a table - flat top, four legs. Simple as it gets. Now, if the floor the table sits on is perfectly level, and the table's legs are all exactly the same length, and the table's top was planed to a level surface, you should be able to place a marble on the center top of that table, and the marble should just sit there. A very boring marble on a very boring table, on a very boring, level floor.

But isn't that what you want out of a table? Nice, and boring, and level. If it wasn't level, well, the marble would roll off the table, and you would be walking past that table, step on that marble, slip and fall and break something, end up at hospital, pay a lot of time and money trying to recover, and get no time at all to spend enjoying that table! Pretty raw deal, right?

Now, let's say that one of the legs of that table is somehow shortened, just a little bit. That would make the table unsteady, but if the other three legs remain the same length, the table will more likely than not keep that marble perfectly safe away from the floor, and save you from another trip to the ICU. Unless you lean on the table, of course. But with four legs available, you merely have an unsteady table rather than an unlevel table - again, unless you lean on the table. So keep your elbows off the table, OK!?

But what if you suddenly have two legs that are a little shorter? Well, first off, somebody is really out to mess with you. Are you sure you've been keeping the house locked up tight? Because this really should NOT be happening, wouldn't you agree? But there it is - two legs one length, and the other two another length. Now, that table is pretty much not level - but it may be steady again! Unless the shorter legs are kitty-corner (or catywhompous, if you prefer) and now the table is both unlevel and unsteady. This table has some real problems, doesn't it?

But lets say we stop talking about that table, and instead talk about you. If both your legs (you DO only have two, right? You are NOT a table, yourself, are you? Let's hope not!) are the same length, you are probably level (though there are things that can make you unlevel when both legs are the same length, but we started with tables and legs, and I don't want to get too far off the central premise here, OK?) But while you might be level, you may be unsteady - hopefully not due to excessive drink - but because you are only symmetrical side-to-side, not front to back. At least I hope so. It would be creepy if you were - symmetrical front-to-back, that is. I don't want to talk about this if you are going to get creepy, OK?

So, again, let's pretend that one of your legs is a little bit shorter than the other - though I suppose we could say that the other one is longer than the shorter one, and that might make everyone happy. Does that work for you? Good. Now, with each leg having a different length, you are unsteady and unlevel. Yes, I know, our world makes us all feel that way sometimes, but stay on topic here, OK?

If your legs are different lengths, then your pelvis will also be unleveled, as will your spine, shoulders, head, etc. Even your hat will look funny. But all is not lost! Because your body has a unique ability to compensate - make up for the difference - when faced with unleveling. And this compensatory function, as it is known, works in some rather remarkable ways, and usually works according to some basic, yet variable, rules.

The first two rules are the only ones that never vary - they apply to all bipedal creatures, uh, people, for the purposes of this lecture. Yes, I am lecturing here. You didn't think this was a poetry reading, did you? You did? Boy, you came to the wrong classroom today, didn't you?

Rule one: Your inner ear must remain balanced, no matter what the body has to do to maintain that. Rule number two: Your eyes must remain parallel to the horizon. If you think about these two rules, they become rather obvious: an inner ear imbalance leads to vertigo, and an un-level visual horizon leads to an arrest for drunkenness in public - or at least a great deal of discomfort trying to walk down the street!

So, all other ways the body compensates for leg length differences are tied in to maintaining these two factors, sometimes even if it causes pain in other areas. But for now, just remember this one thing: Your body only has two legs. 

Sometimes we all need a little reminder.

Nest time: If you only have two legs, how can you have four levels?