When the Bad Doggies Howl

Last night was one of "those" nights. You know - when the bad doggies howl? After a particularly long day on the feet, my puppies are screamin'! So, regardless of whatever else I had in mind for my evening, well, that gets scrapped. Instead, I settle in for a long evening of soaks, massage, and grumbling about missing a night at the jazz festival. Or something like that.

And let's face it - the soaks, unless you are one of those lucky so-and-so's with their own jacuzzi, are only a marginal improvement over having the family dog lick peanut butter off your feet. Which at least has the added value of making everyone laugh. But soak 'em is always the first step. Because if I try for the massage without it, well, sometimes the screaming is mercifully brief. Other times, my wife has to hit me with several containers of Cherry Garcia before I can settle down.

The funny thing about massaging post-club feet? The best direction for stretching my feet to temporarily reduce the pain, is to move them back in the direction they were in before I had surgeries. That is, into their initial club-foot position. This seems to be the only way to relieve the lateral sinus tarsi pain, but I must admit - I've always been a sucker for irony, so I guess it all evens out.

Then, after yanking and stretching, and pummeling the doggies into relative submission, I head for the bliss of the iSqueeze. Oh, my! Let me tell you, since I can't seem to find anyone to do the exact kind of foot massage I really need, this thing comes in a close second. Not cheap, certainly, but a real investment in future aahhs! and oooohs!, and maybe a good night's sleep without screaming arch cramps. So, no matter how you look at it, its money well spent. (By the way, here is a link to see what I'm talking about - http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=isqueeze&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=3587741415&ref=pd_sl_ifngfc4yv_e - cut and paste it into your browser bar.) There are a number of different makes out there - I suggest you try a few - Brookstone stores carry the iSqueeze, for example. I highly recommend you get one that goes as far up your calves as possible - makes a real difference.

Another thing about foot massages: most massage therapists seem to think shiatsu or extreme deep tissue massage is the answer to everything (even getting the waxy build-up off the car.) Oh, the arguments I've had while prone on the table. Let's face it - they just don't "get" feet like ours, do they? What really works for me, is slow, steady stretching of all the joints, especially in the directions opposite to where the doggies sit while they stand (or something like that - that's the problem with metaphors - what are they really for, if not to confuse?) I am also a fan of slow, large-hand kneading, (not dissimilar to the act of kneading bread, by the way) where the therapist does not concentrate in minute areas of my feet, but works them over with a light-weight steam roller. AAhhhhhhh!

And then, there's my anti-gravity chair. Lay down, tip that beast alllll the way back, and Goodnight Irene!

No, really - goodnight!