Friday, October 12, 2012

The Limits We Face

This is something I recently posted on the clubby FB group:

To continue the discussion on limits, I think we all need to remember that having limits is not to be equated with being inferior, or less-than. It is easy to fall into an unconscious response to our differences as a sign we are somehow worth less than other people. So much is made in our societies about being a "winner", a high achiever, about physical perfection, about what constitutes "cool." But these are all artificial ideals, and often serve to enforce class differences, rather than say anything true about any one person.

When I deal with my differences, and experience an adverse or somewhat muddled reaction from another person, I have choices in how to deal with their reactions and responses. I can choose to be upset, self judgmental, and depressed. Or, I can use the occasion to educate the other person, or to let them know they may need to seriously reconsider their own values by how I respond. I always feel like I exercise as much control over the situation as the other person, specifically in how I choose to respond. It is likely such people are anticipating that I will have a negative response, or self-damaging response, to their ignorance. But I usually find if I take the opposite approach to what they seem to hope for, I can nearly always fully control the outcome.

My feet may be screwy, but my mind is just fine.
 
How about you? How do you deal with your limitations, especially emotionally? Do you beat yourself up, or struggle to accept seeing yourself as having a handicap? Or have you lept over that chasm and landed intact on the other side?
Posted by NBWK at

2 comments:

  1. AnonymousDecember 4, 2012 at 6:17 AM

    Facing my limitations is always a learning curve. It seems when I adjusted to one limitation there is another. Emotionally, it can be very, very hard. As I adjust to the pain and to the fact if I do too much I can't walk later in the day or into the evening. My husband has to help me. Its like my brain is not communicating with my feet to help me move forward. So, many times I want to cry but I don't - crying doesn't help matters and I have been accused by my younger sister that I am only feeling sorry for myself. So, it effects me a lot emotionally and beating myself up is all to common but I pride myself that is one of the best things I can do.

    How can we not see ourselves has handicapped every morning and every day that I am in pain, each time I look at my butchered feet I am reminded that I am a clubbie and handicapped. But, I tell myself its just feet. But, yet its not just feet. It effects me emotionally, physically, etc. At times, okay all the time I hate myself and hate myself for my clubbed feet. I guess it goes back to childhood. No you can't do that why I say oh you have clubbed feet. Yea, I was born with severe clubbed feet but its just feet and I can walk something that they thought I might not be able to do. Or I am reminded that he could of built seven houses for each operation I had if didn't have the operations. How is this supposed to make me feel and so I threw it in my father's face I never, never, ever asked to be born. He gets upset with me but then my mom is like don't you realize that he is hurt when you say that and oh like I am not hurt when I am reminded of how much money it cost then to care for me and the surgeries. Then I am told not to be burden. Okay, I get it. It hurts too much. My dear husband is so kind, patient and loving to me. He says I am not a burden. And, he is helping me to see me as he does. Yes, someone with clubbed feet but has a big heart, and who is compassionate, passionate, empathetic, etc. He is my hero and my cheerleader. Though, it is hard to accept my limitations at times I know with my husband's help I will hopefully leap over that chasm and land on the other side. I may fall many times but its important that I pick myself up and try many, many times.

    ReplyDelete
  2. NBWKDecember 4, 2012 at 10:05 AM

    Well, it would be nice to know your name, and if you are on the adults/teens with club feet Facebook group. But...I think it helps a lot to start seeing your CF as a gift, one that guides the choices and perspectives you gain over the course of your life. Your sister is sadly quite wrong in her assessment, as is anyone who sees only the surfaces and not the depths. Someone who has not had the burden of walking in constant pain has no idea what they are talking about, and you need to completely ignore such commentary. It just damages the air between you and them.

    It is good you have a supportive partner, and he would also benefit from seeing what other clubbies go through, so he never comes to think yours is an isolated case. Please do come to the Facebook group - another 425 and growing clubbies can't be wrong!!

    ReplyDelete

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