Coping With What It Is

I was recently made painfully aware, as those gentle readers who've been reading here for a while know, about how some people find themselves unable to cope with what might seem to some like a trivial, or at least not insoluble problem. And while suicide is certainly the most extreme manifestation of an inability to gain perspective, it is not by any means the only such manifestation. Chronic depression, drug addiction, alcoholism, inappropriate ways of dealing with inner rage, even obsessive-compulsive disorder, all can be outlets, self-destructive though they may be, for our own individual inability to manage the things, large or small, that overwhelm our coping skills.

Chronic pain, especially pain that interferes with our daily activities, the kind in fact that we see everyone else doing around us with no apparent stress, can push our coping skills to their outer limits at times. I would venture a guess that most clubbies, after ten, fifteen, twenty years of daily bouts with the feet demons, can understand this with little difficulty. We all know, many of us from childhood, that useless and unanswerable question - why? Why me can be a mantra, but one without any reasonable answers, which only adds to the dimensions of the pain, layering frustration, anger, resentment, depression, even resignation, upon the pure physicality of daily reminders of the condition we find ourselves bound to.

Now, I'm not a psychologist, nor a particularly insightful guru, or anything remotely resembling a person with answers. All I can do is share my own process and journey through this landscape I have to negotiate daily, and hope others find some resonance of their own experiences. And of course hope you, gentle readers, will likewise share with other clubbies your own story, your own search for respite from the pain. And I can share knowledge, information, resources that may be of use to you, as well.

But it does seem to me there is some insight possible with respect to our situation. Not rationalizations, mind you - I am after all seeking to upset some long-held falsehoods regarding club feet, and post-club feet, even at the risk of ticking a few folks off. No, not quite right - even at the possibility of doing so - its not really a risk. But I suppose you could call it a mission.

One such insight pertains to radical and poorly thought out "solutions" with the thought they will end the pain. I refer, as just one example, of the notion (one which I've expressed and thought of seriously myself, though not for many years now) that amputation and resorting to prosthesis would finally end the pain. Of course, this seems reasonable, from several points of view, I suppose. But it is in fact merely "trading up," replacing one type and location of pain for another, maybe not immediately, but sooner than you'd like.

Truth is, its important to be skeptical about any idea whose very radicality causes others to jump back in surprise when its put forward - that reaction is a pretty good clue that you might want to do a considerable amount of research before making a decision that cannot be reversed. Just saying.

Post-club feet, not unlike many forms of disability, are far more than a physical set of symptoms and pains. It encompasses deep and complex psychological elements, social stigma, sense of isolation, limits on life choices, etc. And for that reason alone, we need the input and kind ear of others as we each attempt to navigate through our not-so-simple lives. If my young friend, no matter what her internal demons caused her to believe, had reached out to even one other person before moving on her idea of ending her pain in such a permanent manner, she may have, at minimum, started her journey toward a solution. Maybe not the solution she believed she needed, but almost certainly one that would enable her to at least continue her search. Now, sadly, that option has no further value for her.

The value that we clubbies stand to gain, I believe, in building relationships across many states and countries, is a vastly larger set of possible solutions to put on, try out, that may indeed provide many others with solutions we may not believe we want, but cannot be sure if we don't even know they exist. They might in fact be solutions that change someone's life.

But we cannot know if we don't enter the conversation. What are you waiting for? Come on in, and let talk.